we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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