Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
