Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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