Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
