My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
