After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Randomize
