similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
