Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
