I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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