Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
