you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
