I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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