These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He shit in the fireplace
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
