I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
