If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
