I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Let's paint friendship bongs
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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