Already got asked if we're dating
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
