I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
