miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
