i would punch a child for taco bell
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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