Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
