I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You took a bar mat shot.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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