Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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