no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Small penises have feelings too.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
