I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
