my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
