Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
