Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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