I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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