so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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