I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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