So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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