just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
