hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
