Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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