dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
