The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
