Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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