Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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