Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize
