Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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