I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
