I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
