In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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