i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Rumble strips road head = magical
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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