I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
