I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
