I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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