If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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