You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
