i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
