He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
