its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
