We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The Olympian is in my bed
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
