It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
