She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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